Bragging.

When it comes to these three girls, I consider it my job. I have known these three nuggets for seven, almost eight, years now. I can’t remember what my life was like without them, but I can tell you that it was not as sunny, was not as full of love, was not as wonderful.



Catherine is 11. In a week, she will be 12. She is in middle school now, which is weird, because just last week, I was picking her up from preschool. Pumpkin is growing up too fast…way too fast. I have always said that she is whatever age she is going on 25. She has always been wise and mature beyond her years. But I will tell you this…she loves. I love that whenever I leave, leaving without a hug is simply not an option. Not. At. All. Most 12 year olds would not be caught dead hugging someone. Not my Catherine. Nope…she is too sweet.



She has been playing soccer for a while now. We are working on being more aggressive. But this weekend, my girl scored her first goal. I was not at the game, but as soon as I heard, pride could not have bubbled up faster. Yes friends, my girl is a shining star in every way.



Audrey is five. She just started kindergarten, which is weird, because we just celebrated her first birthday last week. Bug is a princess…she believes it and I believe it. She is my pretty little princess and I do not care what other people say about how believing fairy tales is detrimental. I want my girl to believe that she is lovely and perfect just the way she is. She loves to be independent…she’s starting to go through that phase. However, you know what else she loves? Sitting on the couch and cuddling up to you as close as she possibly can. Best. Thing. Ever.



Audrey has started soccer this year. No wait, strike that. Audrey started kick and chase this year. She is as aggressive as can be and will go for the goal no matter the cost, including scoring a goal for the other team. But she loves soccer and I love watching her play soccer. Yes friends, my girl is a rock star in every way.



Caroline is two. Two days a week, the two of us get to hang out while big sisters are at school. We have a lot of good conversations, which is weird considering I was anxiously awaiting the announcement of her arrival just last week. She has quite the personality and despite only being two, knows what she wants. Sweets loves to play board games, as long as we play by her rules. She does not like to take naps, but will gladly take a “rest.” She snuggles when she wants to, but loves her independence.



Caroline loves to talk to you and loves asking questions even more. She has been working really hard at potty training for a while. She really wants to be potty trained and loves to tell me that she has to use the bathroom, which is usually followed by ten minutes of sitting on the potty without anything happening. But today, as we were getting ready for a “rest,” I decided to give the potty a chance. And guess what my big girl did? We finally got to do our potty dance! Yes friends, my girl is twinkly star in every way.

So, as I wrap up this post, I think about how rich I am to have them in my life. They make me feel important, beautiful, and loved. I hope that I make them feel the same way because I tell you what…they are all of those things and more.

Transitions

Life is all about change. I have and haven't liked it. I have liked it because some of the changes and the surprises have been really good. Like counseling. Never planned on doing that. Or prisons. Never planned on that being a part of my life. But it is, and I am grateful.

But then there's the changes that don't feel as nice. The changes that say "Surprise! I'm here! Like it or not!" and you're left with a thousand questions. So...if you haven't figured it out by now, that's where I'm at.

I was born a planner. I like my life organized. My planner is always on my person and I feel a little panicked when I don't have it. I have a lot of lists and a nice little weekly planner white board hanging up by my desk. I don't think there's anything wrong with it (okay...maybe a little bit).

My life right now is in a period of change. It mostly has to do with school. Everything is about as clear as mud. I don't like it...I really don't like it. But I'm learning to roll with it. I may not be good, but that is what learning is for, isn't it?

I'm discovering that God is reminding me of a lot of things. I'm burdened and weary, and I am so thankful that He says to come to Him and He will give me rest. He's using my confused, empty, dark space and He's lingering there, waiting to reveal Himself in ways that are mighty. He's reminding me to look for the little blessings. Like when Caroline tells me that she thinks I'm pretty. Or when Catherine insists that I am not allowed to leave without a hug. Or when Audrey wants nothing more than to just cuddle with you.

Huh. Funny how God works to make things okay, even just temporarily.

Small Packages.

They always tell you that "the best things come in small packages." I've discovered this to be true...especially when last Friday arrived. Because when last Friday arrived, so did my bumble bee.

My cousin, Abby, has always been more like a sister to me than a cousin. She was the one that really got me started in dance. We were always close growing up. I absolutely adore her and, for a long time growing up, wanted to be her. Still do.

Three years ago, her first little munchkin arrived. He's a darling, sweet little boy that just loves to love you. And I've loved him since day one. He isn't a big fan of me yet, but it's not my fault they live in North Carolina and I can't love on him enough!

On Christmas day, we were surprised with a sweet joy. As we were Skyping with them (our family was in Oregon, theirs was in North Carolina), we saw B zoom by on his new balance bike and my mom quickly noticed his shirt, which said "Big Bro." Abby was pregnant!

After a wild pregnancy and a "scary" delivery, one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen joined this world...a baby girl. No one knew gender until the baby arrived, and so when I heard it was a girl, I fell in love.

She's perfect, healthy, and a whole week old now. I've only seen pictures, but I will (hopefully) be Skyping with them soon so that I can "meet" my bumble bee.

So friends, it continues to be true...the best things come in the smallest packages. Especially when they have kissable, chunk cheeks, brown curly hair, and the prettiest mama you'll know.

Have a Little Faith.

That's something I've been thinking a lot about lately...in a lot of different ways.

Here's the first thing. I'm a planner. If you know me well, that shouldn't come as a shock. I don't like surprises, and I love the little details to be perfectly ironed out. I also like things my way. Again, that's not something new. I'm not psycho about it (at least I hope not), but I can be stubborn. Anyways...on to the point. When I went to Haiti in March, I felt this overwhelming desire to stay. I knew that wasn't possible, so the overwhelming desire became one of coming back. But that was my answer, that was the Lord's. At least, it wasn't yet. So I prayed...a ton. I waited for an answer from Him. While doing that, I started to plan. I spoke with a Pastor that's in Haiti long term. I got the application and all of the information I would need about my stay in Haiti. But even after all that, I still wasn't getting anything from the Lord. I was starting to get frustrated. God created me to be a planner, so why wasn't He helping me out? Then it just became one of those moments of "Hey Shannon, remember? God never hurries, but He's always on time." So I continued to wait, and pray...wait, and pray. Finally, I was talking to God a couple weeks ago. I was praying for Daniel, when God just interrupted me. And finally, it became clear. And here was His answer: "Your time in Haiti isn't done. You're going back. After you graduate. But plan on it being a longer trip this time."

The moral to this story? I had to have faith. Faith that the Lord would lead me where I was supposed to be when His timing was perfect. Faith that, despite all my planning efforts, that His plan will always be greater than mine. And so, with faith in the Lord on my side, I begin my part of the planning. Now, the real faith begins. Time to pray for the financial aspect, for the spiritual aspect, and for the support aspect.

Here's my other point about having faith. I don't really feel like people have a lot of it with me. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying it's true of all people. I'm just saying that I can sometimes see a trend. But anyways...I've noticed it quite a bit more recently, and it has a tendency of frustrating me. So I've started to speak up about it. And you know what's awesome? I've been proving people wrong. I hope to continue this trend.

So friends, have a little faith in me.

March 25, 2011: Day Seven

I don’t want it to be over. I’m not ready for it to be over. Why does it have to be over? It feels like we’ve only been here for two days…not a week. This morning, while the men hunted and gathered (aka – built/finished the shed for Jonas), we organized a lot at the base camp. We also got to deliver goodies to the Church school during their recess. Sweet little Rishna clung to me the whole time. So sweet. We made lunches for the guys, packed, and waited for them to come back. After a quick lunch, we loaded up the tap taps to head to Pastor Baland’s orphanage. Traffic was awful and it was miserably hot in the tap tap. On our way up the mountain, our tap tap overheated so we had to pull of. Thank goodness for Sam and Mike! Actually getting to the orphanage was crazy. Bad streets made it difficult, but boy was it worth it. The second we walked in the gate, the children clapped, screamed, and laughed. A sweet little girl was quacking like a duck and holding her arms out towards me. I scooped her up and Lovely’s feet didn’t touch the ground the rest of the time we were there. It was a joy getting to comfort her. There would be moments where she’d start to cry, so I’d squeeze her tighter, tell her that I got her, and love on her. For a while, she fell asleep in my arms. Melt. My. Heart. Leaving was difficult. As I went to set her down, she curled up her legs and shook her head no. when I finally was able to put her down, I kissed her cheek and told her that I loved her. She probably won’t remember me, but I’ll always remember her. A ride up a terrifying mountain road led us to the lookout, where we bartered like crazy for stuff. The lookout…whoa. I didn’t realize how high up we were…talk about terrifying. We headed home after and that was a fun car ride. I visited Francz when we got back. We exchanged contact info and he gave me his necklace. His is precious and will always be in my prayers. Dinner was so good and our final debrief followed. Craig bought a last minute painting for $5 that I said I liked up at the lookout. He asked me if I wanted to buy is, and I said I had $5 if he really wanted to give it up. He looked at it, handed it back to me, and said “Merry Christmas.” I started to pull my wallet out and he said no. Because he didn’t have anyone to give things to, he wants to give things to people every so often. Craig, you’re a good man and you’re greatly appreciated. Earlier in this entry, I asked why this had to end. It doesn’t. The only thing that’s ending is my time in Haiti. What I learned here, what I gained here, how I grew here, and how I changed here will always be with me. A big piece of my heart is and always will be in Haiti. I am 100% determined to come back. Between now and then, I plan to live each day with conviction. I plan to remain humbled. I plan to give each day to the Lord so that His hand is in all I do. I plan to pray for Haiti and it’s people. I plan to further develop my relationship in Christ and further develop the changes made in me. It’s not over. It’s just beginning. Thank you for everything, Lord. I love you and I am forever humbled. Thank you Haiti for allowing me to be a part of your world. I love it.

March 24, 2011: Day Six

I’m fairly sure everyone hit their wall today. It was funny. But aside from the humor of that, today was an emotional day for sure. This morning, after FINISHING THE PAVERS, we walked over to Jonas’ school, which is in a tent city. Wow. You hear about it, but until you see it, you don’t realize it’s magnitude. There are literally thousands of tents. Different animals roam the area (goats, dogs) and where there weren’t tents, it seemed like there was garbage. Just like everything else here, it reminded me of how much I have to be thankful for and it humbled me immensely. Thought pause: I’m listening to music as I write this and the song currently playing is “Hosana.” The bridge is so applicable to this moment/this journal entry/this week, so I’m writing it down: “Heal my heart and make it clean/Open up my eyes to the things unseen/Show me how to love like You have loved me/Break my heart for what breaks Yours/Everything I am for Your kingdom’s cause/As I walk from Earth into eternity.” Those middle lines are so true right now. Okay, unpause. After we left the school, a few of us went to John and Debbie’s to paint the bakery. After we lunch, we watered and sanded the paths, with a little socializing in between. A small group of women from our team went to teach a women’s English class. Oh my gosh. That was amazing. Those women were so fearfully and wonderfully made. I felt like I left that place with five more mothers. They sang “Because He Lives” in Creole. Major goosebumps. They sang without a care. They gave their everything in their voices and hands. They had a conviction like I’ve never seen and I fell in love with each of them. Debbie told me that tomorrow, they would be going out to evangelize and bring people to a special service on Friday and Saturday. Wow. What an incredible thing. I have loved so much this week watching just how much God’s hand has been in everything. Literally EVERYTHING. Tonight was just a weird night because everyone is just done. The guys spent all day outside, on our hottest day yet, building a shed for Jonas’ school. Words can’t express how much I love this team. The guys are wonderful men of faith, and the women are of purest heart. We’ve bonded so strongly and there has never been a moment of conflict (that I know of). Again, the hand of God was on and in this. I’m so sad that our time here is almost up. I feel like I’ve learned and grown so much and I pray that I am able to maintain this as I go home. Two words: PRAISE GOD.

March 23, 2011: Day Five

I waited until Thursday to journal about Wednesday because I was too emotional. The morning was rough. It was day three of pavers and I had reached my breaking point. I was done cutting, done laying, done having to wear tennis shoes that were covered in cement dust and water. I was a little mopey the rest of the morning, but I survived. Lunch came and went and then it was time to go to the orphanage. Tuesday night we were told that emotions tend to run high on orphanage days. Understatement of the century. We arrived and pulled into a gated- and cement-walled-off area. We watched little girls watch us pull in and I wasn’t sure how to feel. We handed out gift bags and listened to wild chatter in Creole. Then a girl asked Ezra about a tampon, and he turned to Megan. Megan had to have Jackie, a male compound worker, translate. The little girls’ faces were that of sheer terror. We played “down by the banks” and a similar Haitian game that had us count “1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 8, 9.” When that was over, we made friendship bracelets. The biggest hit, though, were our cameras. Mine went missing for a while, which worried me, but I got it back and found pictures of the inside of their tents. How the girls live that way year round, I’ll never know. We walked down and started working on preparing their garden. I just spent time with the girls. When we started passing candy out towards the end, I was amazed at how quickly the girls switched into survival mode. They’d pocket candy or run it to their bed and come back, claiming they never got any. It was hard to watch. After distributing punching balloons, the worst part came…saying goodbye. I had grown close with two girls, Mishlo and Jaylan. I squeezed eight year old Mishlo and told her I wanted her to be my second carry on and that I loved her. I hugged 16 year old Jaylan multiple times, telling her she was beautiful and that I loved her. As I jumped into the tap tap, I looked at her and she started to cry. That’s when I lost it. I blew her a kiss, told her I’d never forget her, that I’d pray for her, and that I’d love her forever. As we drove away, I realized that these girls probably have to think that people are temporary. We come into their world for a while, then leave, and maybe even forget about them. But Carolyn brought up a good point at tonight’s (Thursday’s) debrief. Our interactions may be temporary, but that brief interaction brings them hope and reminds them that they are not forgotten. And I can honestly say that I will not forget any of the sweet faces and souls I saw. Debrief was emotional. The orphans had a deep and lasting impact on everyone. I think almost the entire team cried at one point or another. It was really special and really beautiful. If that doesn’t demonstrate to those girls that they are loved and never be forgotten, I don’t know what will. I can’t believe that we only have two days left. This week has gone by so fast. I have to come back. Obviously, that’s my plan, but it’s something that I’ll need to talk to God about. I’m amazed at my relationship with Him and I’m forever in awe of His work. God, thank you. Haiti and it’s people are some of Your best work. Thank you for bringing me here. I’m forever humbled.